where’s the au where Padmé becomes a ghost that only Palpatine can see and spends nineteen years being as annoying as she possibly can
the key thing about this is that Padmé just isn’t a very annoying person, especially compared to Anakin or Obi-Wan (even if Anakin’s version of being annoying is singing the song that never ends over and over and Obi-Wan’s is making incessant little snarky comments about everything you do), which means Padmé first has to learn how to be annoying, and then she has to do it. Cue her pushing every single one of his vases off their shelves like the most determined, single-minded cat in existence
it’s even better if she and Qui-Gon run into each other at some point because then you get a “Why are you here?” “Well why are you here?” sequence in which Qui-Gon explains that he embarked on an ancient, unknown path to find true peace and separate his essence from his body without returning to the Force, and Padmé has to explain that she woke up like this and since she couldn’t find her kid and looking at her husband made her miserable she decided to be a low-grade annoyance to Sidious in lieu of having nothing more productive to do
So what I’m hearing “Okay, mister ‘the queen doesn’t need to know,’ you’re going to teach me how to be annoying.”
The thing is, Qui-Gon is really good at being annoying by accident, especially when he’s trying to get something. But being annoying at the drop of a hat? On purpose? God help him.
You know who IS good at annoying people? Who used to put mud in Qui-Gon’s boots and bleach in his shampoo when he was being completely stubborn and unreasonable and irritating? Obi-Wan.
Somehow, the two of them end right back where they started—on Tatooine, at odds with each other, and more than a little bit lost
still thinking about ghost Qui-Gon and ghost Padmé showing up outside Obi-Wan’s door on Tatooine like the scrawniest wet cats you’ve seen in your life. Padmé is pulling the disney face. Qui-Gon is flashing those baby blues in a way you only can when you’re a 6’4 translucent ghost man. Obi-Wan looks more tired than he’s ever been in his life, and also like he’d like to throw them back into the force if he could. (He’s having a very confusing day)
objectifying men in armor will literally never get old. like, work it shiny boy. hit ‘em with that old razzle dazzle you fuckin trash can. hottie! (tucks $5 into your cuirass)
Throws in some gold coins at the neck opening and hear it rattling all the way down.
